MEASUREMENT OF A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

Text:

Ecclesiastes 4:9 -12

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Proverb 5:18 – 19

Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

Proverb 3:3-4

Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart:  So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man.

1 john 4:18-19

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. We love him, because he first loved us.
If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also.

There are parameters that we see in a marriage and will say; this is a successful marriage. Many people adjudge successful marriages by seeing husband and wife outside. They feel it is a happy home because of how they behave outside. A pastor always praises his wife from the pulpit. One day a young man had issues with his wife. Believing that his pastor has a good marriage, he went to complain to him. On reaching the door post of the pastor, he heard them shouting at each other. The wife was asking the husband since I married you, when last did you give me money? The purpose of this brother going to the pastor was to report his wife complaining over money. When he heard what the pastor’s wife was saying, he quietly turned and went home to settle with his wife. Success in marriage is not in the appearance of the husband and wife. It is not the wearing of the same uniform etc. There are some things you will see and know that this is a successful marriage.

What are those things to measure successful marriage?

1.     A successful marriage is built on Gods principles and foundation.  If your marriage was not done well, that is, there was no paying of bride price or church blessing. You can adjust it. It is not too late. Go back and do the needful like paying of bride price and church blessings on the marriage. Many people use not paying of their  wife’s bride price as a reason to leave or divorce her. No, go back and pay the bride price and live well with your wife. Leaving her is not a solution but it only compounds the problem because bride price alone is not the signature for marriage. There are other things that you will see and know that truly this is a marriage.   

·        If the parents of the man and woman support the home, it means it has become a marriage.

·        If people have been seeing you two together, it is a sign that you are married.

·        If you have children together, all you need to do is a correction marriage. That is, correct your marriage. In elementary school then, when you do arithmetic and got it wrong, you are expected to do the correction. In the same way, when marriage is lacking in the issue of engagement, church blessing, paying of bride price etc. All you need to do is to go back and do the right thing. Dropping or putting the woman away is not the right thing.  A young man told me some years back that he did not pay the bride price of his wife and therefore wanted to leave her and marry another person. I asked him ‘if you have a sister and she has three children for a man. The man left your sister and went and married another person, how will you feel?’ he answered that he will feel bad. I asked him ‘what do you think of her own brother? He responded that he would not be happy’. So when you do not lay the foundation of your marriage well, what you need to do is to go back and adjust that marriage to follow Gods principles and foundation.  For those who are not yet married and you are planning to marry. The procedure in Mountain of Fire and Miracles Ministry is that he that findeth a wife, findeth a good thing and he will find favour before God. If a man finds a woman and intends to marry her, as a member of the church you approach the marriage committee and tell them. The marriage committee will give the person a prayer point to go and pray for a particular period and return back to them. They will interview the brother to know if God is still leading him into the marriage. After that, they will invite the sister. It is wrong as a child of God to go to the lady before the church. You must approach the church first before the lady. It is wrong for you to start exchanging gift, visiting each other, sleeping with each other before going to the marriage committee. The person has laid a very bad foundation for that marriage. So what you do you? Approach the marriage committee, they will invite the lady. After the lady has been invited, they will also give the lady a prayer point to go and pray. After she has prayed, they will now call her and call the man and show you to each other. There is a period when both persons will need to go and see their families. These are steps that the marriage committee will explain to you; you visit her parents and your parent and discus with them. When both parents accept, they will write a letter stating that they support the intention of their son to marry the sister and the family of the sister will do same. Then there will be a period of courtship. Courtship is a period of knowing one another not a period of sleeping with one another. It is a period to study one another. During this period, you don't meet yourself in a private place. If he wants to go and see her and vice versa, take somebody along. If you want to talk at all, come into the church and sit down and talk. Why? So that devil will not tempt you like it has happened in many places. Then the marriage proper, it is not compulsory to call all the church members to your wedding. Cut your coat according to your clothes. Marriage can be conducted with four persons; you, your spouse and two witnesses to sign the marriage register. You don't need to hire clothes just for the wedding.  You can come and I will wed you just as you are. So cut your coat according to your clothes. you don't need to do what they call reception, reception is deception. Even if it is five persons you can entertain, entertain them. You don't need all the elaborate wedding and noise. Right now, those who wedded last year, some of them still owe debt so you don't need to borrow money for wedding. Nowadays, nobody gives money anyhow. Don’t go into debt because you want to wed. We can wed you in my office, in the church auditorium or anywhere you want. The major thing you need to do is to satisfy the family of your wife by paying the actual bride price they demanded from you. In our church, we don't demand that you must give us to bag of rice, bottles of wine, bag of beans etc. We don't ask you for money if you have, you can bless your pastor but nobody demands anything from you because you want to wed.  So build your marriage on God's principles and foundation. This is what led us to the above explanations.

2.      A good and successful home must be prayer and Bible based home. It is a home where the word of God is preached, where they do devotion and reference God.

3.     It is a home that we have happy and faithful couple; they are faithful, you can't see them doing wrong things.

4.     It is a place that raises godly and glorious children. Children who reference God and have good manners. I had a testimony of this young boy. He was sent to a private school. In his hostel, they were four students per room. Each morning, this young man will kneel by his bedside from 4 o'clock in the morning till around 5:30am. He will pray and read his Bible. He was the only Christian among the four of them. He started praying to God that God should arrest his unbelieving roommates. One day, one of his roommate approached him and said ‘there's a group in this school I have join, that group, anything I want I will get it. I want you to join them so that you can be able to achieve whatever you want.’  The young boy told him ‘ I am the one that is supposed to invite you to my group not you inviting me to your group. I have a name that is above all names and that place you are going, if you are not careful, you will be sent out of this school because I had a revelation where I saw you crying.’ The other boy looked at him and made jest of him but the young boy pleaded with him ‘let's go to my church so that my pastor can pray for you.’ He responded ‘go and sit down.’  Two days after, he went to their meeting and the police came and arrested all 20 of them. This boy had just joined the group a week ago. The young boy while praying saw the other boy crying. On that day when he was arrested and asked to park, he was crying the way the boy saw it in the revelation. So the young boy told his friend ‘I told you to come to my side you refused. What I told you, had it not come to pass?’ I am praying for someone here; any power assigned to divert your children and families shall be disgraced. That boy cried out of the school. But the other boy, because he comes from a godly home, he was never faulted.  The other two boys in the room became members of his church because of that revelation. I want to ask you; who are your children? Do they have any impact or influence on their friends? Do their Christian lifes’ challenge those of their friends? A successful home is the home that raises godly and glorious children.

5.     It is a home where responsibility and roles are played distinctively. The father, mother and children know their roles. There is no shying away.

6.     There is no distinction between what belong to the husband or wife. There was a sister who worked with a big company. She was well paid and bought a car for her husband. She also owned the house they were living in. Any time the husband offended her, she will tell him to pack his load and leave. The man will be begging her and sometime the man has to call the church to come and beg his wife before she will be pacified and return the car key to the husband. One day, when she asked the husband to leave, the man left the house and did not return. After three days, she ran to me and told me her husband had not come back. I called the man and he told me ‘if that is what marriage is, I better remain single’ and till today the marriage cannot be resolved. A successful marriage is a marriage where you cannot distinguish between what belong to the husband or wife. They do things together. They build houses and children together. It is not a home where the husband pays school fees, the wife buys uniform and feeds the family. A home where there is roaster for feeding to be done by wife this month and husband the next month is an irresponsible home. The husband is expected to be the head of the family in everything while the wife is a helpmate.

7.     It is a home where there is respect for each other. It is not a home where the woman does not speak. In Ephesians 5:21 it says “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” It is improper for you to say your wife should not work and you are not taking care of her parents. Both of you must agree on how to take care of your parents.  The parents of your wife send her to school so that she can be a benefit to them but now her parents are suffering. The husband will discretely give his parents money neglecting her parent. It is not right. The appropriate thing is for you to ensure that your spouse parent and your parent are taken care off together.

8.     They manage and care for their parent. It is wrong to discourage your spouse from taking care of his or her parent even if his or her parents are witches or wizards. It is a sin to neglect your parent. It is wrong for your in law to suddenly become a witch or wizard after they have trained their child from elementary school to the university. After he had gotten a good job and married you, his parents suddenly becomes witches and wizard.

9.     They are husband and wife that are felt in the church, community and environment. Where ever they go, you feel their impact, hospitality, care and contribution to people. They want things to work. When they are not around, their absence is felt. Unfortunately there are some men that when they are not at home, their wives are happy and thank God. Are you a sister that whenever your husband is outside, that is when he is happy? A brother told me that he comes home very late so that his wife must have slept and before she wakes in the morning he is ready to go to work. Is that the kind of home you have?

10.  They know that happy couples do not fight. They also know that they need good communication to succeed in their home. They do not abuse each other. The couples know when to talk to themselves and how to talk to themselves. The wife knows how to serve her husband because the way to the man’s heart is through his stomach. In a successful home, they quarrel, but they know how to resolve their quarrels quickly. They do not allow their anger to take to the next day. If you believe that couples don’t quarrel, it’s a lie. They know how to resolve their quarrels

11.     They spent time together. Some men will tell their wives ‘you talk too much.’ You are to allow your wife to talk. They have so much to talk about, listen to them. Don’t shun your wife. Even your children, as they are growing up to become teenagers, there are a lot of questions in their minds which you need to listen to. If you do not listen to them, very soon he or she will see someone outside who will and they will begin to copy that person. As parent, bring your children close to you. Let them tell you their problems. Ask them at your devotion if they have any question to ask and have time to answer their questions.

12.    A successful home is a home where the couples are committed to each other. They forgive each other and are faithful to one another. They do not defraud themselves. If you are married and you are dating another woman outside, you are unfaithful man to your wife and God. If you are a married woman and you dating another person outside, you don’t have Christ. In a successful home, they don’t tell lies to themselves and they do not defraud one another. They are humble and very respectful couples even to people around them. They invest in their marriage, themselves, in their children and in their future. They share problems together. What affects the wife, affect the husband and vice versa. No secret is kept from one another. They also share their resources together and belong to one another. The wife can go to the pocket of the husband at any time. She can take the phone of her husband and use it any time. She can also pick the calls of the husband. The husband can pick the call of his wife. They are not the kind of couple that needs to go outside or to the toilet before they can pick certain calls. A man had the pictures of some ladies in his phone. One day the wife picked the phone and was going through his pictures. She saw those ladies. The husband came in and the wife asked him ‘who are these?’ the man collected the phone and dropped it inside the water, why? To destroy any evidence so that when the wife approaches me, she will not have any evidence. Is that how you behave?

13.     Successful homes are affectionate to one another. I saw a home where the wife was sick and by the next day, the husband was sick. So both of them where admitted in the same room – side by side. The man said I can’t survive without this woman and the wife said same. I pray for you that your marriage shall not be broken. God Himself will supervise the affairs of your life.

Above all my brethren, the basis for all negative things in our home is because many of us have not given our lifes completely to God. It is one thing to be in church, it is another thing to give your life to Christ. If you are coming to church and some negative things are still in your life then you need Christ. If you can still commit sin, sleep with a man or woman that is not married to you, steal etc. it is a sign that Christ is not in you. Why not repent and confess all your sin and forsake them. If you are reading this and you have not given your life to Christ, I plead with you to give your life to Christ and invite him to be your personal Lord and Saviour.

Prayers

Every evil cry against my marital life, die in the name of Jesus.

Every evil stones thrown to scatter my marriage, die in the name of Jesus.

Powers that want to cut short my life die in the name of Jesus.
O Lord my father, arise in your power, build my life and my home.